Friday, January 9, 2009
So, this weekend it is going to be like 70 here. I do wish we'd get a bit of rain this winter, but I can't complain about the temperature. But I'm sitting here nude after hopping out of the hot tub wondering whether its all worth it. I mean I worked hard to put this place together. I have great kids. I have stuck it out so long. I can go out on a Friday afternoon for a soak and a beer. But is it really worth it? I know I can't just chuck it all. But I know by staying I am just putting off the inevitable. And the nibbly bits aren't getting any younger. Its hard to be so undecided. There is no right answer. One way I can stay and enjoy the fruits of my labors. I can pretend all is good. The other way I can get out and the nibbly bits can get a bit more of a work out. Or I can stay and still get the nibbly bits a play mate. I think I spend too much time thinking. Not enough time enjoying. Like today. A half day of work, then up to the boat to pick up some papers, and while I was there I got the boat out for a bit. A bit of sun, a bit of breeze. But I was alone on the boat. I would have loved a bit of company. Then home here. Gorgeous day. Off came the clothes, out to the hot tub. Relaxing. Nice to have company there too. And now in here. Quiet. All alone. Alone is not good for the soul. Well, not alone alone. More like alone by myself. I have friends and family. I have kids. My wife is alone alone. I think she is regretting the walls she has built. But I'm still not satisfied with where this is. We had another talk. Another talk. Another talk. It just seems like talking is so cheap. But actions are so permenant. So, what's to do? I don't know. But I know I will enjoy a day like today. I feel good about that.