Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Real life hasn't changed much. I was travelling like nuts, but that has calmed down a bit. Home is the same. Sailing season starts tonight. So, I'm stoked about that.
Online a friend sent me an invite to a site called MyDailyFlog. Its a photo blog site. Well, that's what it's advertised as. It is hilarious. Well, sad actually. After I signed up I got hit on by every scammer on the face of the planet. Every woman there has moved to Africa for this emergency or that. Or they need money for food. Or they need money because their aunt got evicted. They all want good God fearing husbands. They all say they are from the US, but not one of them speaks anything close to English. Its just wild. The sheer amusment factor of these people thinking they are putting this over on anyone. But then, the really sad part is that there probably are a few people dumb enough to fall for it.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
It was one of the hardest times in my life. And I don't know if it shows a real lack of moral foundation to say that it was one of the best experiences of my life. Shouldn't I be ashamed of it? Why am I still trying to be with her? And reflecting back on how wonderful it was.
This just sounds odd to me today. I was in her office today. Her dad is sick. I gave her a hug. I wanted to kiss her. I tried to kiss her. She gave me that look. "You're married, and I'm not going to do that". I understand that.
But I still need something. I'll figure it out. Eventually.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I do my best writing after great disappointments.
What I learn, over and over, is that disappointment stems from expectations, not from outcomes. It isn't what happens that matters, it is that what you wanted to happen didn't. And the cruel thing about that is that the reality of the situation is lost in the expectation. In the disappointment.
Now that does not mean we shouldn't have expectations. Great expectations. But rather that we need to strive for expectations, not expect them. As goals, or desires, expectations are good. But they have to be inward focused, not outward. We need to expect great things of ourselves, not of others. If we have expectations of other we will surely be disappointed. Because we don't necessarily share our expectations. And without shared expectations, we can't assure mutually satisfying outcomes. One person's disappointment is another person's business as usual.
They say in Zen that the best outcome is the one that was meant to be. Not the one we desire. Our job is not to work outwardly to an outcome, but to work inward to prepare ourselves for the outcome that was meant to be.
Acceptance, not control.
I learn this lesson over and over.
I do this to myself all the time. I create an end state, and fall in love with it. I forget that the journey is more important that the end state.
And when the end state isn't met, I get all pissy. I need to get back to my Zen state. Its about the journey, not the destination.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I'm getting way tired of this stuff.