Tuesday, April 28, 2009

It is about Attitude

So, I don't know why, and I frankly don't care, but I'm feeling really good lately. I've made a couple new friends online. Had a great day on the boat. Sat and watched old Disney movies with my daughter. Maybe its all of the above. CE has been dealing with her dad, terminal cancer. She's been watching him pretty much 24/7. I worry about her. I know others here who are struggling through that. My heart goes out to them. Maybe I feel lucky that I'm here, and I don't have to deal with that now myself. It is hard to see that tearing at my friends

Monday, April 27, 2009

So, its good

I'm sitting here with a glass of single malt letting the world wind down. Little one A is off at scouts, little one B is watching TV. All is quiet and good. I hope you all have that Zen space right now

Friday, April 24, 2009

Scott's Online Adventures

So, I haven't been blogging for a while. And I'll admit I haven't been here as often as I should. I appologise for not being more attentive to my online friends. But, in my own defense, I have been trying to IM when I can so you all know I'm still around.

Real life hasn't changed much. I was travelling like nuts, but that has calmed down a bit. Home is the same. Sailing season starts tonight. So, I'm stoked about that.

Online a friend sent me an invite to a site called MyDailyFlog. Its a photo blog site. Well, that's what it's advertised as. It is hilarious. Well, sad actually. After I signed up I got hit on by every scammer on the face of the planet. Every woman there has moved to Africa for this emergency or that. Or they need money for food. Or they need money because their aunt got evicted. They all want good God fearing husbands. They all say they are from the US, but not one of them speaks anything close to English. Its just wild. The sheer amusment factor of these people thinking they are putting this over on anyone. But then, the really sad part is that there probably are a few people dumb enough to fall for it.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Boys and Girls

So, one of my online friends got curious the other day if I'd ever cheated. Yes, I have. I don't think that's a secret. She wanted to know more, so I told her more. It brought back some great memories. Is that normal?

It was one of the hardest times in my life. And I don't know if it shows a real lack of moral foundation to say that it was one of the best experiences of my life. Shouldn't I be ashamed of it? Why am I still trying to be with her? And reflecting back on how wonderful it was.

This just sounds odd to me today. I was in her office today. Her dad is sick. I gave her a hug. I wanted to kiss her. I tried to kiss her. She gave me that look. "You're married, and I'm not going to do that". I understand that.

But I still need something. I'll figure it out. Eventually.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Con-f*cker Virus

So, this is the first time I can say my home computer got infected. Conficker, or Comficker, or whatever. And its pissing me off. I'm thinking of just trashing it and getting a Mac

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Zen Again

I do my best writing after great disappointments.

What I learn, over and over, is that disappointment stems from expectations, not from outcomes. It isn't what happens that matters, it is that what you wanted to happen didn't. And the cruel thing about that is that the reality of the situation is lost in the expectation. In the disappointment.

Now that does not mean we shouldn't have expectations. Great expectations. But rather that we need to strive for expectations, not expect them. As goals, or desires, expectations are good. But they have to be inward focused, not outward. We need to expect great things of ourselves, not of others. If we have expectations of other we will surely be disappointed. Because we don't necessarily share our expectations. And without shared expectations, we can't assure mutually satisfying outcomes. One person's disappointment is another person's business as usual.

They say in Zen that the best outcome is the one that was meant to be. Not the one we desire. Our job is not to work outwardly to an outcome, but to work inward to prepare ourselves for the outcome that was meant to be.

Acceptance, not control.

I learn this lesson over and over.

Don't Fall in Love with Ideas

I have to get this tattooed on my arm or something.

I do this to myself all the time. I create an end state, and fall in love with it. I forget that the journey is more important that the end state.

And when the end state isn't met, I get all pissy. I need to get back to my Zen state. Its about the journey, not the destination.

Monday, April 6, 2009

OK, still travelling

But this should be the last one for a while. I owe you guys an update, and I owe myself a break

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Yes, I'm Alive

This is week three of my hell month. A week in Maryland, followed by a week in New Orleans (could have been more fun if I didn't have a bunch of work folks in tow). Now a week of interviews of engineers for a development program, and next week another week of interviews, but in Denver.

I'm getting way tired of this stuff.