So, how do you know if you're doing the right thing? How do you separate the rational part from the selfish part? How do you know that the stuff you're doing, or you want, is really the stuff you should be doing, or the stuff you should be wanting?
I am probably much more selfish than I'd like to think I am. I am probably more self absorded, self indulgent. I probably look through rose colored glasses. But doesn't everyone. Well, everyone but St. Teressa. And is that OK?
Do you think people stop from time to time to look around and ask whether other people see their reality the same way they see it? I ponder these things.
You know the song with the line "all I want is a little fun before I die". Is that an unreasonable request? Don't get me wrong. I have had a blast on this journey. At times. I have had the blessing to do some amazing things, and see some amazing stuff. But I'd like to go to a Jimmy Buffett concert and dance and sing. I'd like to look at bare boobs without feeling like I shouldn't be looking. I'd like to run naked through the sprinklers again. Or just be naked again. Do we spend so much time trying to avoid eternal damnation to just enjoy sitting in the sun nude? What does everything need to be so serious?
I spend way too much time being way too serious. I ponder things I probably don't need to ponder. But that's the way I am. But I enjoy my kinks. Everyone has kinks. And for some of us, its the kinks that make us interesting, or more interesting. Don't you think we should celebrate our kinks? Assuming its not like running with scissors, that is. Some things can be destructive, noted. But sometimes what we think is destructive is actually just unconventional. Is it wrong to push on tradition? Challenge what we believe? I love pushing, challenging. That's another kink. I hear stories of the great philosophers sitting in cafes chatting and challenging each other. It is possible to disagree and everyone can still win. I don't always have to be right, but I feel I have a right to an opinion. Why should that be so challenging to people? I know, we have lost the ability to have a civil disagreement about things. We have become so polarized that we can't have fun while discussing the things we disagree about. That is sad. There are folks I totally disagree with who I still call friend. I hope they call me friend as well. I know when I go to the poll that my vote will be cancelled by someone I know and like, but who disagrees with me. That's OK. All too frequently in recent years I feel bad I can't sit down and have a really good heated depate about some issue, and at the end, finish off a good bottle of wine, or scotch agreeing to disagree. I need that kind of engagement. It is fun, and educational. I don't always have to be right (but I usually am), but I'd like to think I'm always learning.
I'd like to think this is something I can pass to my kids. The love of learning. The love of depate. The love of disagreement. The love of engagement. One of the real pleasures of being a thinking being is the ability to think. I feel sorry for people who only parrot what they have heard. I feel sorry for people who don't think they have the right to think for themselves. There is so much cool stuff to ponder. Actually, pondering why we ponder is a good place to start.