Anticipation

Once more heading out on a business trip to Denver. Once more going to try to meet a friend for dinner. But this time there is much less anticipation. I think that's good. Unlike the past, I am meeting CE for dinner. For those of you who need refreshing CE and I had a thing a few years ago. It was a great thing. It still is a great thing. Its just a different thing. There is a lot going on in her life right now. I doubt the needs the complication of another thing. During the three years between our thing, and last year when we reconnected she was seeing a man. A nice man, but not "the" man. One things she admits to is rapidly acting when she knows something isn't working. After dating this man for a while she realized he wasn't "the" man. She cut it off, and the next day ran into me at work. But the man is a friend of her father's. And now that he father is dying, the man is around again. The man drove CE to the airport this morning. They had a talk. I didn't press CE about the content of the talk, but I know it will come up over dinner.
I don't think I'm jealous of the man. It doesn't sound like the man is bad for CE, it just sounds like he's not right for her. But then, who am I to talk? I'm not right for her either.
I'm looking forward to seeing her tonight in a relaxed setting. No expectations. Desire, yes, but after this much time I have learned about expecting things from her. I would stand to learn that about other friends. Maybe that's the other thing about this trip. I'm just going. Sometime in the past there was far more anxiety about travelling. I would mull and muse and build such expectations that disappointment was inevitable. So, I disappointed myself over and over. Its better on this trip. We'll see if I'm still fooling myself.