Another Hallmark Holiday

Mother's day is a mixed blessing. I have one of the top mom's in the world. And she had an extraordinary mom herself. My wife's mom struggled in a really crappy situation to do the right thing. My wife loved her. I loved her. She's gone. My wife struggles. She's not Mrs. Cleaver, or Mrs. Brady. She's herself. And she carries with her the history she has. She's not a bad mom. Well, yea, she is a bad mom. At times. I think its fair to say all mom's have ups and downs. She tries. But I think the fact that she is so closed to input makes it a bit harder to excuse. She doesn't understand our son. She doesn't get guys. She's really hard on him. She's not good at dealing with fact that my daughter is trying to be just like him, in a lot of ways. My daughter has a lot of guy behaviours. She sees her big brother as a role model, as competition. She is a strong strong little girl. She will do really well in life. She is full of confidence. And defiance. My wife doesn't do defiance well. That's not how she was brought up. Defiance usually let to something being thrown at you. Or a lot of yelling. It left a mark. Its like a dog that's been beaten. All sounds startle them. Everything can be perceived as a threat. Attacking is always the first option when running away is impossible. That's kind of how my wife handles the kids. It can be a struggle for everyone. I know I have to support her. It is not right for the kids to think that it is the three of us against her. But I can't let the kids think they're on their own. We find that space where its tolerable. Over time I'm running out of responses when one of the kids comes up to me as I walk in after work and tells me that mom is in a terrible mood. Or that she's mad at everyone. Its not every day, its not every week. But it happens far more often than it should. And it takes longer and longer for the kids to recover. We try to honor her on Mother's day. We do honor her on Mother's day. She really is a good person. She just has this blind spot.

This year I bought books for the kids to give her on Mother's day. Books about mothers and daughters, and mothers and sons. I got her a book about mothers. A picture book. On Mother's day my family is gathering here at my mom's house for brunch. My wife made an appointment to go to a spa. She said it wasn't that she didn't like my mom, but she wanted to do something for herself. My mom understand. I understand. But I suspect we understand different things. Mother's day is always hard. Sometimes I wish we could do away with these holidays.

Scott's Toes

Last month we all went down to Pinnacles park for boy scouts and family camping. Once again we did the 10 round the rim hike. 5 miles to the top, then 5 miles back down. It was glorious, and I really didn't think I had a "shoe issue". But as we started down, I noticed every time I took a step my feet seemed to slide forward and my toes would hit the end of my shoes. After a mile or so it started getting really annoying, and a mile after that it got downright painful. When I got my shoes off, the nail on each middle tow was black. And over the course of the next couple weeks, they pretty much fell off.

So, fast forward to last night. Sailing. Racing. It was blowing, raining. And as I was running from one end of the boat to the other, I kicked a deck fitting. Yes, it hurt like hell. Yes, we were racing. No time to stop. When I got my boot off after the race, yea, pretty sure its broken. All purple and swollen from the last knuckle to the end. Yea, one of the middle toes with no nail. Yea, it still hurts. But there isn't much to do, maybe tape it to the next toe over. I just hope I'm done with this nonsense.

It is about Attitude

So, I don't know why, and I frankly don't care, but I'm feeling really good lately. I've made a couple new friends online. Had a great day on the boat. Sat and watched old Disney movies with my daughter. Maybe its all of the above. CE has been dealing with her dad, terminal cancer. She's been watching him pretty much 24/7. I worry about her. I know others here who are struggling through that. My heart goes out to them. Maybe I feel lucky that I'm here, and I don't have to deal with that now myself. It is hard to see that tearing at my friends

So, its good

I'm sitting here with a glass of single malt letting the world wind down. Little one A is off at scouts, little one B is watching TV. All is quiet and good. I hope you all have that Zen space right now

Scott's Online Adventures

So, I haven't been blogging for a while. And I'll admit I haven't been here as often as I should. I appologise for not being more attentive to my online friends. But, in my own defense, I have been trying to IM when I can so you all know I'm still around.

Real life hasn't changed much. I was travelling like nuts, but that has calmed down a bit. Home is the same. Sailing season starts tonight. So, I'm stoked about that.

Online a friend sent me an invite to a site called MyDailyFlog. Its a photo blog site. Well, that's what it's advertised as. It is hilarious. Well, sad actually. After I signed up I got hit on by every scammer on the face of the planet. Every woman there has moved to Africa for this emergency or that. Or they need money for food. Or they need money because their aunt got evicted. They all want good God fearing husbands. They all say they are from the US, but not one of them speaks anything close to English. Its just wild. The sheer amusment factor of these people thinking they are putting this over on anyone. But then, the really sad part is that there probably are a few people dumb enough to fall for it.

Boys and Girls

So, one of my online friends got curious the other day if I'd ever cheated. Yes, I have. I don't think that's a secret. She wanted to know more, so I told her more. It brought back some great memories. Is that normal?

It was one of the hardest times in my life. And I don't know if it shows a real lack of moral foundation to say that it was one of the best experiences of my life. Shouldn't I be ashamed of it? Why am I still trying to be with her? And reflecting back on how wonderful it was.

This just sounds odd to me today. I was in her office today. Her dad is sick. I gave her a hug. I wanted to kiss her. I tried to kiss her. She gave me that look. "You're married, and I'm not going to do that". I understand that.

But I still need something. I'll figure it out. Eventually.

Con-f*cker Virus

So, this is the first time I can say my home computer got infected. Conficker, or Comficker, or whatever. And its pissing me off. I'm thinking of just trashing it and getting a Mac